A night on the Heart of Gold
by LittleThinkerGirl
Summary: Late night, too much to drink, depressed robots, and freaky fruitrollups.
1. Frubulas!

Disclaimer: God I don't own any of this, I don't own Ford, Arthur, The Heart of Gold, David Dixon, Simon Jones, none of them though I sure wish I did. I would be content with Douglas Adams, he was truly amazing! If you haven't got it yet Douglas Adams owns the characters I'm merely using them for my own sick pleasure.

"Marvin?"

"Should I even respond, it would be sinking to a low level of thinking to even try,"

"Why don't you go put yourself away kid?"

"Marvin go put yourself away, well excuse me for breathing which I never do anyway so-"

"Yah…I am going to bed, Ford and the monkey I wish you pleasant dreams" Zaphod yawned, his second head nodded sleepily eyeing the maniacally depressed robot with distaste. Ford and Arthur simply looked at each other, "I don't like-" "Hush Arthur, it's Zaphod! You would think by this time you would have got use to his comments." Ford mummer setting downing his _Pan Galactic Gurgle Blaster,_ Arthur made one of his all too familiar faces that showed Ford he wasn't just going to get over it and rose from his seat.

"I'm going to bed also."

"Admitting defeat?" Ford picked up his beverage once again with a sly smile, Arthur had been half way up the stairs when he paused. If he wasn't going to let it go, Ford reasoned he mind as well have fun with it.

"I AM not admitting defeat! This is ludicrous! I am not going to fight with an four eyed idiot that gets his jollys from stealing spaceships with infinite improbability drives!"

"You must admit that is quiet a feat to do Arthur"

"It is not! He said he was going to use the lou than simply sped away with it! If it takes two brains to concoct such a weak idea than- Are you even listening to me FORD?" By the time Arthur had go to "weak idea," Ford had lost interest in the game and was busy watching Marvin sit himself down in a corner of the main room to shut down.

"Yes Arthur I am listening" Ford responded, Arthur jammed his hands deep into his robe pockets and exited the common room with a cluck of irritation.

"I don't see how you can shut yourself down but manage to turn yourself back on I mean what the hell is that?" Ford slurred his words together as he peeked over at the robot from the center console, "Well that is a great question! It all started with the creation of the star system-" "Oh zark off" Ford cracked getting up from the blue chair, "That isn't very nice let's try this again the star system." Eddie began once again his cheery narrative, while Ford leaned forward, shut off the lights and departed drunkenly.

"And nasty cup of coffee with tons of-"

Arthur Dent a six foot tall ape descendant from the demolished planet Earth laid wearily on his bed watching the soft blue and white stars pass his window in the high tech ship the Heart of Gold with mild satisfaction. The whole entire Earth was gone and Arthur had yet to let it set in, he felt like he was merely floating through a rather frightening nightmare.

And Trillian, what were was the improbability rate that he would have met her once again on a spaceship rather than a quaint café in London?

"Glad to be of service" A door hummed sweetly to Ford. He crashed into the left wall of the corridor with a eruption of laughter, "Stupid doors, they're all a bunch of"

"May you have a safe passage,"

Ford squinted at the door as it opened, "You sick door you ever get sick of being so pleasant? What if I kicked you on the way through huh? Would you be so happy if I did that? I bet you would…your the kind of door that likes pain" Ford's words drifted off in to low gibberish. The curving hall made Ford's mind cringe, it was to much to take in, Ford never took well to darkness, bends, spaceships, or his two feet when he was drunk.

"I should have stayed home today," Ford choked rounding the small area and slamming face first into Arthur's room door.

"FORD!" Arthur jumped up from his bed, his good friend from Betelgeuse let out a moan and then proceed to become very still. "FORD?" Arthur hurried over to Ford while tying his robe tightly around him, he had an inkling that Ford had drunk to much and found it necessary to state the obvious.

"Ford I think you've drunk to much."

If there was one thing that would get Ford Prefect moving aside from Eccentrica Gallumbits the triple breasted whore of erotica 6 was Arthur Dent stating the obvious. Ford rolled over onto his back and managed to pull his legs into the room so the door would cease freaking out due to the fact it couldn't complete its job of getting people safely through it. "I'm fine." Ford grabbed hold of Arthur and lifted himself up. Arthur shook his head it seemed to him Ford wasn't fine but he wasn't in the mood to argue partly because he was tired and partly because he was suddenly depressed about the aspect of living the rest of his life with out a good cup of tea. Even drunk Ford could read Arthur like a kiddy book.

"Oh cheer up Arthur it could be worse, you could have been ingested by a six ton mega rhino from the Horse Shoe nebula. You're still alive so you shouldn't act as though your not I mean sure everything you ever loved and cared for from you mummy to your pet dog Fluffy"

"James"

"Right pet dog James is gone but look on the bright side your traveling the galaxy"

"With a man from Betelgeuse, a woman I failed to get off with, and a four eyed idiot that is easily amused with calling me a monkey."

Ford nodded solemnly for it was all true.

"I fail to see" Arthur was cut off by Ford suddenly jumping on him, they collapsed on his bed with a faint thump.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Shhhh Arthur!" Ford hissed, he quickly brushed his fingers over the light button at the head of Arthur's bed. The room went a pitch black and silence blanketed them, "Ford" "Shhhh" Ford's eyes were glued to the galactic window.

Slowly a thick creature that strongly resembled a fruitrollup wriggled into view of the window.

_Here's what the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy has to say about frubulas. If you see a frubulas than its already to late, hopefully you had a good run in life. Frubulas are long flatworm like creatures that float on cosmic rays in the Crab nebula. They don't have a home planet and are said to have come from the left over lunch bag of a radioactive goat head in Ursa Minor. Not to be confused with evil or boring creatures, frubulas are freakishly friendly and cheerful things which is the main problem. Frubules have very sticky skin that secretes watery sludge and when they come across any creature, they are consumed with the need to embrace them with the utmost joy and hospitality which kills the creature slowly due to the fact they wrap their whole 20 meter body around them. They come in three colors, raspberry rain, blue berry blast, and mysterious flavor._

The Frubula pulsed through the air pausing then suddenly squished it's pink body onto the glass in a feeble attempt to hug Arthur and Ford.

"Oh God it's hideous! Ford what is it?" Arthur choked, Ford covered Arthur's mouth, he wasn't in the mood to listen to Arthur disobey his command for the third time.

The frubula wiggled some more before giving up on its quest and detaching its self from the window leaving a transparent goo that tinted the stars purple and pink.

"That was close," Ford coughed, "Close? Ford please tell me what the hell is going on!" Ford slid off Arthur landing with a pop of his knee on the edge of the bed, "It was a Frubula"

"A frubula?"

"Look it up in the guide later, the important thing is that its gone and hasn't called its friends for a group hug of the Heart of Gold."

"Group hug?"

Ford rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, "Arthur let it go, we just escape a world of pain which is a good thing." Ford got up from the bed and walked over to the window frame to examine the glossy muck.

"I don't believe I've the hang of all this space travel yet." Arthur stretched out on his bed. "Arthur it's vitally significant that we stay as quiet as possible, don't turn on any lights, and alert Trillian and Zaphod to keep low till we can be _sure _the brilliant lights of the Heart of Gold will not bring the caring creature back for round two." Ford walked carefully back over to Arthur's bed and leaned into the heart shaped intercom. "Computer be as quiet as you can and tell Trillian and Zaphod that a frubula has been spotted and that they need to lay low till we are sure its gone for good. Do you understand?" Ford waited for the computer to respond with a worried expression. Hopefully it wouldn't yell its cheery response, "You got it" Eddie whispered happily back to Ford. "Thank goodness it listened for once, Computer shut off all existing lights in the Heart of Gold please."

"Sure thing."

"Well Ford what do we do now?"

"We wait Arthur we wait"

"Wait?"

"Yes there isn't much more we can do without the doors talking, lights blinking or Marvin turning himself back on to drone on about his left leg pains." Ford slid down against the wall adjacent to Arthur's bed and tipped his head back. "Ah well when you put it that way Ford I guess that is all to true." He relaxed on his bed with the underlying fear of the creatures abilities for he had yet to check the guide for reference.

A few moments passed, than a few more, the moments turned to minutes, and the minutes turned to a hour. Arthur dozed off as the time reached an hour and a half.

Arthur dreamed he was sitting in his home on Earth in the living room in the company of his mom, dad, Trillian.

"Arthur we are so proud of you love!" His mom was beaming at him in a unrealistic manner.

"Good job Arthur!" His father kept laughing and it was starting to make Arthur uncomfortable.

"Arthur more tea?" Trillian was sitting in her red skirt and matching top with a tray next to him. The tray was empty and Trillian repeated herself and tipped her head to the side.

"What is going on? Trillian there isn't tea on that tray…Mum, Dad what are you both-" Randomly the side of his home crashed in huge beams of light pouring out from what appeared to be a small silver spaceship, "What the hell!" Arthur jumped up, bits of his wall spray across the coffee table and the sofas, "Arthur sit down have some tea dear!" No one had moved save for Arthur, the space ship made a soft clucking noise and then dropped open its door crushing the table and the nearby television. "Someone's come to visit, would you like some tea?" Trillian gushed holding up the empty tray, Ford came out of the spaceship with a worried look. "Arthur?" "Ford?" "Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!" "Ford?"

Arthur could feel himself slowly coming out of his deep sleep, he could faintly make out his friend's face inches from his. "Ford?" Arthur whispered, Ford jerked back and did something he rarely did he blinked, "Arthur?" He choked, "Can we move? How long have I been sleep? Ford I had the strangest dream, you were in it and Trillian and me mum and dad…oh it was ghastly." Arthur rubbed his faces with his hands as he tried to right himself with his surroundings. Ford waited patiently for Arthur to stop chatting fragments as he rearranged his jacket, vest, and pants, the scare of Arthur waking was still ringing in his ears and he tried his best not to seem to unnerved. "Its been around 3 hours Arthur," Ford felt quiet suddenly intoxicated once again like he had just finished two pan galactic gurgle blasts.

"Well is it safe?" Arthur began to sit up, Ford had one of his few moments where he was torn between what was right to do and what he wanted to do. The Frubula was far away by then most likely getting cuddly with a new friend a supernova couldn't have brought it back.

Ford licked his dry lips, "No! Arthur it isn't safe yet" He quickly put his hands firmly on Arthur's shoulders and laid him back down on the bed, "That creature must have some hearing," "It's not hearing us so much as the movement of lights that'll bring it back." Ford jumbled together a false explanation gripping Arthur's hand firmly in the mist of him reaching for the light. They were so close, Ford's chest was pushed against Arthur's side and his hands were somewhat restraining Arthur's movement.

"Now or never," Ford whispered at himself, "What was that Ford?" Ford leaned in and kissed Arthur passionately on the mouth.


	2. A moment

_Author: Chapter two um yah like it I hope._

Arthur let out a whimper, he was shocked by his friend's sudden interest in him. Ford's hands slid down to take hold of Arthur's robe he gave a hearty tug that ripped the tie and allowed the robe to fall open. "FORD! What the hell are you doing?" Arthur managed to cry, as Ford climbed on top of him.

"You always say that Arthur,"

"Well that's because your always doing something that needs to be questioned in such a way!"

"Being ambitious" Ford fitted his mouth firmly over Arthur's, his hands twisted the fabric of the robe covering Arthur's shoulders pulling down as far as it would go.

Arthur pushed up to try and get Ford off him but that only resulted in a deep moan emitted from Ford's throat. "Oh Arthur," Ford breathed, Arthur's horrified face melted away as Ford pulled away to survey him.

"I get it this is a joke right Ford some funny thing Zaphod and you thought up." Arthur sucked his lips.

Ford cracked his neck to the side and looked down at Arthur's shoulder, he slid one of his hands up to touch Arthur's face. "Arthur this is no joke,"

"No joke," Arthur felt his stomach drop out as Ford kissed him again and again and again. The kisses were soft and quick, unlike anything Arthur had ever encountered, instead of Ford's lips being hot and dry like Arthur would have expect though he hadn't really expected it, his lips was cool and moist like mint bubble gum he had bought time to time at a store. It was really quiet refreshing…., before Arthur could come to terms with the sensual mint bubble gum kisses he felt Ford's tongue slide into his mouth.

Arthur couldn't understand why he wasn't screaming and shoving his best friend away. He should be appalled and upset he should be lecturing Ford on his sexuality and why it was not okay to kiss him in his book. But he wasn't in fact he felt his fingers gripping the scratching material of his good friend's vest and his palms pushing against bare stomach. Ford tore away from the deep kiss to shake off his bizarre jacket and wiggle out of his vest, Arthur watched with ragged breath.

"Ford I really don't think we should be-"

"Arthur shut up"

Ford tugged apart his blue and black tie than proceeded to unbutton his red shirt.

"Ford," Arthur whimpered he figured if he whined enough he would be making a effort to stop Ford…right…Ford flipped off his shirt than kissed Arthur slowly, his tongue slid over Arthur's lower lip than pushed firmly into his mouth. Ford tongue rolled over Arthur's coaxing it to come out and play.

Arthur let out a heavy sigh maybe it was all just a dream. It was definitely strange enough to be a dream. Ford was a field researcher for the Hitchhiker's guide, he was angry and a drunk and would rather flip someone off than go to a movie. Ford was a party animal and wasn't gay he wasn't even bisexual, he had a grave interest in women or maybe it was the women that had a grave interest in him. Something hard pushed feverishly against Arthur's inner thigh and he abruptly realized it couldn't be a dream it was all to real.

Ford's kisses became frantic he kissed Arthur's mouth then his cheek and his hot neck. He placed his hands on the fluffy white pillows and pushed his member roughly against Arthur sighing in a heavy moan the friction was nice.

"I'm using my whisper voice not that, that would matter to anyone of anything oh God I'm so depressed." Ford broke off the kiss in time to see the maniacally depressed robot wobble into the room. It's eyes dimmed and it looked down at the floor. "The others wanted you two to come to their rooms not that you would from the looks of things." Marvin wobbled back out the door, "Glad to be of service!" The door hummed softly. Ford caught his breath than crawled off Arthur reaching for his shirt. Arthur just laid there, he was dazed and worked up now that he thought of it. "Let's go see what they want since they have figured that the Frubula is far enough away for safety." Ford had a tense tart tone to his accent and he didn't even look at Arthur as he slid on his vest and retrieved his jacket. Arthur watched Ford go out the cheerful door and waited for him to get half way down the hall before sitting up. He wiggled off his robe and swung his legs over the edge he was sweating.


	3. What's the point?

It was so hot. Arthur weakly stood up, he felt light headed and for a good reason.

"What do you sad excuses for beings want?" Ford kicked the door and plopped down on the chair adjacent from Trillian's bed. "I'll have you know that we have a good reason for calling you here." Zaphod said smugly.

"What's that reason then?"

"Um Tril you know?" Zaphod peered expectantly at the earth woman. She sighed, "We just wanted to make sure you were okay. You guys hadn't tried to get in touch with us at all or anything. I mean it had been awhile and God forbid that I should spend anymore time with Zaphod alone. Where's Arthur?" Zaphod cut in before Ford could answer, "Caveman? I'm sure he'll be here once he-" "Arthur, his name is Arthur." Trillian corrected, the door hummed and in came a disheveled Arthur Dent. "I-I'm here" He mummered squinting at the white lights.

"It's to late Arthur" Ford gave a caught face. Arthur tensed up his heart started thumping in his ears, "What do you mean?" Arthur tried to stay calm. Zaphod stood up from the edge of Trillian's bed and put his arm around Arthur.

"So you want to explain?"

"Explain well…there isn't much to explain I mean it just sort of happened…Ford?" Arthur choked, "Oh leave it Arthur it's no use," Ford covered his face. Arthur wiggled away from Zaphod feeling like the world was exploding once again.

"I-I have to go." Arthur tipped out of the door and down the hall. Ford stood up, "Kid that monkey sure does over react about Frubulas." Zaphod held up his hands to straighten his dozing left head as he spoke. "I wonder why…is he going to be okay? Maybe I should check on him." Trillian said softly making for the door, Ford got there before she did holding out his hands. "No don't worry I'll check on him after all I am his good friend." Ford did a little jig as he got out the door then he sprinted down the hall to catch up with the ape-descendant.

"ARTHUR!" Ford swung back into the room they had exited not to long ago ignoring the door's cheerful disposition. Arthur was sitting on his bed nursing his shattered ego. "We're cruising at 400 the speed of sound and doing great! Lay back and relax!" Eddie beamed over the intercom.

"Arthur do I have to go over my usual speech and take time out of my day to cater it to the latest of your problems?"

"Ford I'm ruined!"

"Ruined? That's rubbish! Who are you ruined to? Your mum, dad, sister? There isn't anyone here that gives a dingo's kidney believe me. Trillian? Well you never had a chance with her in the first place, that was clarified on Earth." Arthur pulled his legs up. "You're right I suppose but I just.." Ford pushed forward cutting Arthur off with a kiss full on the lips. Arthur let out a moan. "What is the point?" Arthur breathed, "Exactly." Ford agreed.

"It's rather depressing though." Arthur rambled as Ford gave him a random assorted amount of kisses on his face and neck. "I mean I don't even have a reason to be paranoid about you or me or you and me. There's no one to hid from. I have no home." Ford sunk down, his hands firmly on Arthur's knees. "Arthur you over think things." "Maybe I do." Arthur laid his head against the wall.

Ford slid his hands up Arthur's inner legs pushing them apart. "I would have had a chance with her." Arthur said his mind else where. Ford began breathing heavy .

"Well Arthur if they ever make a movie of you, you'll get the girl."

"Movie! If they made a movie it'd be to late for me to play myself."

"Yes they'll get a saucy red head to play you and I'll be black."

"Black?"

"Yes they'll do me so me justice."

"You want to be black?"

"It would be neat."

"Go on what of Trillian?"

"She'll be so sexy no one will be able to focus on anything," Arthur nodded it seemed plausible. "Do you think it'll be any good?" Ford leaned his face onArthur's knee picking away his robe. "It'll be good in its own way not perfect but still worth it." Ford slid his hand out and took hold of Arthur's member. Arthur jumped as his mind finally comprehended what Ford had been inching towards the whole time.

Arthur put his hands on Ford's shoulders in an attempt to shove him away but abandoned it with, "What _is_the point?" He let his legs slide further open, his good friend taking action softly stroking Arthur as hegot on the bed. He pushed his tongue over Arthur's earlobe. Arthur involuntarily shuttered he let Ford untie his robe leaving him naked.

Ford walked down the hall and into the Heart of Gold's living space. "Eddie keep the lights off." Ford licked his swollen lips as he collapsed on the squishy white sofa, "Hey Ford." Zaphod sat down next to him looking at the TV the screen flickered with the newest creation of section ZZ B the light up checker board. "So?" Zaphod started,

"Yes,"

"Really?"

"Yes,"

"How do you feel kid?"

"Honestly?"

"Well yah!"

"Slightly drunk."

"Ford minus ten for uncool remark!"

"Straight as a board,"

"Was it bad?"

"No"

"Not a single-"

"No" Zaphod leaned back, "well zarking…I own you a drink."

"Two drink,"

"Yah whatever."

Tell me what you thought!


End file.
